I guess I was lost for a long time and I didn’t even recognize it.
Do you know this feeling when you feel empty, powerless and incredibly tired… but at night you can’t fall asleep? And at the same time there are moments you feel high on life and everything is super cool and in seconds your emotional state changes again and you feel like: What the hell is going on with me?
I know this feeling. I didn’t knew who I was anymore. I thought I had to do something to fix me, to fix the situation. I had to focus on good. I had to be happy. I had to be positive. This made me feel worse and lost. I didn’t knew what to do. And the last thing I had on my mind was to break up with a very important person to me. It was like a spiral going downstairs, until destiny gave me a reason why to break up. But I knew it for so long. I think most of you know exactly what I mean, you know this person is not good for you, you feel it, but you can’t separate from them, especially when you love this person. And you hang on and you won’t give up…
You feel like a betrayer because you leave. You fell guilty. But guess what? You are not. That’s what I had to learn. It made me reflect a lot. People come into your life for a reason but not everyone is meant to stay. And People you love, even family members, could have a bad influence for your mental health. Unfortunately.
After my pullback I thought about what I learned:
First of all, realize we have to do nothing. Especially we don’t have to suppress bad emotions because they aren’t bad. We are strong enough to go through this emotions. They want to teach us something. Recognize the behavior of persons how they really are. Realize that their behavior is not OK and don’t pretend it is. Just because it’s easier to give in than it is to fight it, doesn’t mean it’s good for us. The situation won’t change. People only change if they want to and not because we want it. We have to decide to not be influenced by their behavior, and distance oneself from them. The only behavior we can influence is ours. Stop giving into them and start to give into yourself.
If you went through your emotions you have enough space to fill yourself with positive things again.
After that we have the power to shine (like we are supposed to).
Cover picture: Soulprint Fotodesign